Now and Then
by shadowjadis
Summary: MiSu songfic. Set during the 5-year gap. Susan tries to accept the fact that Mike is walking out of her life. Song by Blackmore's Night. I do not own DH, any of its characters or the song. No copyright infringement is intended.


_**Now and then**_

5-year-gap.

Song: Blackmore's Night – Now and then

_The past is so familiar_

_But that's why you couldn't stay_

_Too many ghosts, too many haunted dreams_

_Beside you were built to find your own way_

Susan buried her face in her hands, her mind lost somewhere else. Sitting there, by the counter of her kitchen, she thought of how much her vision of Mike had changed since that accident. True, she was the one who was driving that car, but… how could he not show the slightest bit of regret? She had begun to see him as a monster without feelings.

_But after all these years_

_I thought we'd still hold on_

_But when I reach for you and search your eyes_

_I see you've already gone_

However, she could not deny that she still had feelings for him. Yes, she had been the one who had wanted to get divorced, the one who had called the lawyer, as he had reminded her the day before, when they signed the papers. Even so, she could not believe that he was up there in their bedroom, packing the few things that were still left. Now there was no turning back.

_That's ok_

_I'll be fine_

_I got myself, I'll heal in time_

_But when you go just remember what we had_

A big romantic and fairytale believer, Susan had always dreamt of finding her happy ending… and she used to think she would find it with Mike. Yet seeing how things had ended between both of them, she told herself that he could not be the one if things had not worked out. She convinced herself that she would be strong and that her prince would come sooner or later.

_There's more to life than just you_

_I may cry, but I'll make it through_

_And I know that the sun will shine again_

All the girls had been there during the whole process, supporting her and listening whenever she needed to talk. She knew she would not have to face this all alone, as her friends had told her over and over. And she could always count on her daughter Julie.

_Though I may think of you now and then_

Nevertheless, deep down there was something in Susan's heart telling her that he would always be part of her life. After all, they shared a child. They would be forced to see each other again, whether she liked it or not.

_Can't do a thing with ashes_

_But throw them to the wind_

_Though this heart may be in pieces now_

_You know I'll build it up again and_

As she tossed her tea, it occurred to her that there was no point in being unhappy. She had made a decision and she was going to stick to it until the end and hope everything would be fine.

_I'll come back stronger _

_Than I ever did before _

_Just don't turn around _

_When you walk out that door_

If it does not kill you, it makes you strong, they say. Her daughter's words echoed in her brain: "You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for". She had to believe it. She _wanted_ to believe it. Still, it was hard to let go.

_That's ok_

_I'll be fine_

_I got myself, I'll heal in time_

Mike came downstairs, carrying the last two boxes packed with his belongings. Susan watched him, drowning her need to cry in her tea. Once he had put the boxes in his car, he moved towards Susan, who stood up.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye" he said.

Susan responded with a nod.

"Where are you going to stay?" she wondered, desperately wanting to fill the silence.

"In a guesthouse" he answered "It's not the nicest place, but at least it's cheap. It'll be ok until I find something else. Anyway, I should get going. I'll come on Friday to pick MJ up. Take care"

"You too"

They hugged one last time. It was not a lovers' hug, but a rather cold one, a mere formality. Then he finally walked out the door and closed it behind him.

_But even though our story's at the end…_

_I still may think of you now and then_

Tears slid down Susan's cheeks. The way she had felt the seconds he had hugged her said everything – he was still the love of her life.

**The End.**


End file.
